I had it all planned out

Have you ever met a child that can tell you about their life and how it would go down to the mere second? Needless to say, I was that child. I was that little girl who had an immediate answer when asked what she wanted to be when she grew up. I had a plan and every decision I made revolved around my plan because if you focus and get an education everything will work out perfectly... right? Well that's what I was told and that's what I believed.

Charna's Plan (brief summary)

• Be good in school and get good grades
• Graduate high-school and go to college
• graduate from college by the age of 21/22
• Go to professional school and graduate by the age of 25/26
• Be married by the age of 25 because I had to have a baby by the time I was 27 or 28 and I must enjoy marriage for at least 2 years before having a baby
• Work successfully as a professional and live happily ever after with my fine husband and beautiful children in our huge house that we purchased with all of our money

Who would have thought that at the end of my junior year I would have gotten "suspended" (just a nice way to say you're out) from the program I was enrolled in and forced to sit out for a year? Who would have thought that I would have spent most of my life single than in an actual meaningful relationship? Who would have thought that after finally getting back in school and graduating I will struggle with getting my left baby toe in the door of my desired career? Seriously, who would have thought!? 

I definitely never calculated those factors into my plan and found myself with no career,unmarried, and struggling to find my place in the world. "How did I get here?" I often asked myself. I would sit and think about all the plans of that little girl and it left the woman feeling unaccomplished, inadequate, and discontent.

I spent so much time dwelling on my future and all I haven't accomplished yet I couldn't see how far I've already come. To be honest if everything would have gone exactly how I planned it, I may have lost it all because my motives weren't pure. I wanted to be successful so that I can boast on myself and most importantly shove it in the face of all those who spoke otherwise. When your only motivation is to prove others wrong you risk the chance of losing yourself. Your identity become wrapped in how others see you and are saying about you. The glory of success become misdirected which leads to pride and self destruction, what does it profit to gain the whole world and lose your soul? Nothing is worth more than my soul. Therefore I choose to patiently wait and not worry about tomorrow.  Everyday I wake up and pray an intentional prayer "Lord please help me to focus on the task for today and not get so caught up in tomorrow since today truly have enough troubles of its own." This helps me to grow content in where I am without becoming complacent. I had to learn that the reason I was unhappy wasn't because of what I was missing it was because I was blind to what I have and what I have is Love, Joy, Peace, Provision, and Support.

It continues to be difficult but as I remind myself of my many blessings it makes my journey easier from day to day.
#StillSovereign


Supporting Scriptures
Mark 8:36
Matthew 6:34
Psalms 27:14
Philippians 4:12

Introduction

As I sit here yet another time attempting to start this blog I am stricken by all sorts of feelings. The one speaking the loudest... FEAR. Fear of failure, fear of being inconsistent, fear of possible backlash, fear of what people may say or think as I am transparent with who I really am. As I pour out my weaknesses, struggles, and insecurities for all of the world to see will it be received, will it be misinterpreted, will it cause my life rejections to resurface? I couldn't answer any of those questions and it drove my controlling tendencies (to be discussed in a future blog) crazy!

On the other hand there were two questions I was committed to answer. Will you allow fear to once again stop you from accomplishing something great, from possibly encouraging someone else and even more yourself? When exactly are you going to start stepping out on faith Charna? It was those two questions that pushed me to start typing.

 In the words of a good friend of mine, I am pretty sure I just set myself up to "get got" but it will definitely be worth the journey :)

Join me on my Journey to Contentment
#StillSovereign