_____ Remember!

Once in a while I pick up my journal, read through old entries, and become inspired by what was written when I was going through a tough time or even a happy time in my life. I'm always in disbelief that it is even I who wrote it. It's always filled with perseverance and endurance, no matter how much I feel like giving up I always strive to keep going. 'This must have been the Holy Spirit who wrote this!' I would say to myself, but even though I would think it jokingly I knew there was some truth to it. 

The journal entry that I fell upon this time around was one titled "Charna Remember!" There was a list of reminders I wrote to myself to keep me pressing in the journey of life. There was a sense of urgency in these reminders. I even inserted an exclamation mark in the title as if I am shouting the importance of remembering these key things. Key words were capitalized to accentuate sentences, and at the bottom of the page was the infamous scripture, Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord. "They are plans for good." It is as if the scripture was confirming and sealing the reminders, that is if I just endure until the end the reward will be great.

In addition, it seems that I may have been reading the parable of the scattered seeds at the time the journal entry was written. Below you will find an excerpt of the passage that I believe the journal entry was inspired from. I will present it to you in the exact same manner it was written in my journal. 

Notice that in the blog title there is a blank line. In this space you will enter your name and what were my reminders may also become your reminders. 

______ Remember!

• Trials, tribulations, and persecution arises for the word's sake. Do not stumble, become rooted in the word. The seeds sown will not fall on stony ground.
• Do not be deceived by the riches of this world or get caught up in the cares of this world. Your desires are to line up with the will of God, with the word of God. The seeds sown will not be choked.
• When you hear the word, you will immediately receive it with gladness, have faith in it, deeply root it and confirm it through reading, focusing not on things of the world. Satan will not gain access to your seeds.
  
  Hear -> Accept -> Bear fruit
  
• God is stretching your faith, Do not RUSH the process, trust the process. At the end you will birth more fruit of His spirit. Long suffering will build your character, your story will help change lives. It doesn't feel good right now but remember your life is to give God Glory. Allow God to get the Glory.
• His promises  can only be obtained through faith AND patience.
• God is #stillsovereign! No matter what happens God still holds all might and power
• Have FAITH! if faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains how much more can more faith do. With faith your miracles are endless.
• You will be successful, you will have joy, you will have peace, you will love unconditionally... You are successful! You have Joy! You have peace! You love unconditionally!
• Be Content but Never Complacent!

 “Now listen to the explanation of the parable about the farmer planting seeds:  The seed that fell on the footpath represents those who hear the message about the Kingdom and don’t understand it. Then the evil one comes and snatches away the seed that was planted in their hearts. The seed on the rocky soil represents those who hear the message and immediately receive it with joy. But since they don’t have deep roots, they don’t last long. They fall away as soon as they have problems or are persecuted for believing God’s word. The seed that fell among the thorns represents those who hear God’s word, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life and the lure of wealth, so no fruit is produced.The seed that fell on good soil represents those who truly hear and understand God’s word and produce a harvest of thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times as much as had been planted!”

Take this time to create your own list of reminders or feel free to add to this list. Read it as often as you need to. Faith is a process and grows stronger over time and experience. 

#StillSovereign

Supporting Scriptures

Matthew 13:18-23

Hebrews 10:35-36
Mark 4:19
James 1:2-3
Romans 12:12

5 steps in dealing with life's disappointments

Life is full of disappointments, most of them are really easy to bounce back from but some of them like to sit and accumulate over time, weighing heavy on our hearts until all we want to do is withdraw and sulk in our disappointment.

I've definitely been there, what hurt the most was having my hopes all the way up to the mountains just to have various life events prevent the fulfillment of my expectations. I grew cold and refused to experience another disappointment.

I started to be reminded of the unfulfilled promises from my childhood and realized that this dated further back than my current situation. The hurt ran deep and the only way I could move forward is to heal from my past and come to the acceptance that I will be disappointed in life but I can't allow it to hinder me from taking risks or shift my focus.

While dealing with my own disappointments I was able to compile 5 steps that helped me combat the side effects of being disappointed. This isn't listed in any particular order but every step is important in my healing process

5 Steps to being healed from disappointments

Step 1. Acknowledge

Acknowledge that there is an issue and that the emotions that are being experienced are affecting your life and your ability to move forward in a particular or even all areas of your life. As stated earlier, how I was feeling kept me from making decisions or taking risks that I believed may lead to another disappointment.

Step 2. Discover

Discover the root of the pain. It's sometimes deeper than what we choose to believe. We experience what seem to be minor occurrences that manifest itself through our actions and responses. My root went all the way back to my childhood. My family didn't have much money so there were many times when I had to sacrifice something I wanted with something I needed. Though I understood the circumstances and willingly obliged, the disappointment still resided. I never let it show to avoid placing guilt on anyone else.

Step 3. Determine

Determine how you respond after being disappointed. There are various outlets and there are no limits to expression. This include but isn't limited to rebellion, sexual promiscuity, isolation, alcohol indulgence, excessive sleeping, overeating, etc. These are self defeating responses and will only make matters worst. The first thing I noticed in me was a cycle where I had no motivation to do anything. I would withdraw from everything and wallow in the disappointment which then lead to me being disappointed in myself for allowing myself to get in that place. I would get encouraged, make a move, then get disappointed again, restarting my cycle. I had to learn to be intentional in responding in a way that developed growth and make a conscious decision to rise above disappointments.

Step 4. Develop

Develop a new perspective. The best way to change your choices is to change your mind. Disappointments when handled accordingly can be a blessing. It provides an opportunity to reevaluate yourself and it motivates new plans, visions, and goals. A disappointment on one path can lead to another path that has much greater rewards. Look at my case, disappointments lead to this blog which may encourage a reader and if something I learned during my process can help someone from going down the same path of self destruction it is definitely worth the reward. Instead of asking "Why Lord?" I've learned to ask "OK, What do you want me to learn Lord?" or "What now Lord?"

Step 5. Find

Find your strength . I find my strength through prayer and knowing that greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. I'm also reminded that with me a lot of things are impossible but with God all things are possible. I find strength, solace, motivation, and encouragement in God's word, the Holy Bible. He has also blessed me by surrounding me with individuals that pushes me and hold me accountable to accomplishing my purpose while on earth.  Disappointments put me in a position to seek God's plan and methods rather than my own, I trust that His ways are better than mine.

If the disappointment didn't kill you then it's just giving you an opportunity to rise above it, Learn from it, and grow through it. With these steps it is my hope we all can experience a freedom from our past and can delight in a brighter future.
#StillSovereign

Supporting Scriptures
Philippians 4:6-7
Jeremiah 29:11
Hebrews 4:14-16
1 John 4:4
Matthew 6:33
Proverbs 2:1-10

I Loved Being Single

I've been blogging for about 3 months now and it was brought to my attention that I don't have any posts about being content while single. The reason you don't see much of that here is because that topic is not part of my journey to contentment. My relationship status has been one of the few areas where I've been more than content (which is probably why that is one of the only areas in my life that is actually moving forward). I loved being single and there was nothing anyone can say that can change that. I was not that girl that was "waiting for my Boaz" or "patiently waiting" or "letting Him write my love story." No offense to any of those movements, I just wasn't part of them. I was simply trying to live my life for God to the best of my ability.

You may remember me mentioning on one of my first blogs ("I had it all planned out") that I spent most of my life single more than in a relationship, a lot of that was simply because I didn't to much desire being in a relationship. I became used to being by myself and not feeling lonely, it became part of my life to not depend so much on another person. I grew up as an only child so I learned quickly how to entertain myself, enjoy myself, and to be honest I thought I was pretty cool.  In addition, I'm an all around daddy's girl so between my Heavenly Father and my biological father guys never really stood a chance. When I wasn't cracking myself up I was with my friends or spending time with my (F)ather. I didn't find a NEED to have a boyfriend.

"Well that's easy for you to say Charna, you're in a relationship now, you had to desire a relationship at one point!" On the contrary, My relationship did not come from me seeking it and it surely didn't come how I expected it to come. 

Do not misinterpret the purpose of this post. The point of my mini rant was to show that being single is not like what it is made out to be and not every young single person is sitting around waiting to get married. While single it is the best opportunity to learn self so that when you meet someone you don't lose yourself. Learn your identity, find out who and whose you are. Learn how you deserve to be treated and what you will not settle for, have a strong stance on something therefore you wont fall for anything.  Before you know it, while minding your own business someone is going to come along and turn your life around for the good and if you're anything like me you're going to hate it. lol 

You'll be like how dare you come around when I'm enjoying how awesome I am! You'll go from having to be content while single to now having to learn to be content while in a relationship... but that's a another topic for another blog :)

#StillSovereign 

Supporting Scriptures

1 Corinthians 7:32-35
Hosea 2"19-20
Matthew 6:33
Jeremiah 29:11
Hebrews 4:15

Real Vs Imagination

It's about time I've published this blog post! I've had this topic for almost 3 weeks now along with another topic but I've never made the time to sit and write. Unfortunately I've been busy sulking around the house wishing that things were different. The past 3 days have been the worst of them all. As in any journey there will be some good days when life is great and I'm doing an awesome job at being content and my faith is on level 10 but then there are other days when I forget everything I've learned and all of the feelings of being an unaccomplished, inadequate, failure start to rise up again.

We hear everyday and have the knowledge that comparison is the killer of joy but for some reason we still find ourselves low key comparing our lives to someone else. We don't mean to but for some reason we always tend to see the grass greener on the other side while failing to realize the work that went into keeping the grass green. Even when we've grown past comparing ourselves to someone else we still tend to find something to compare to. I, personally, find myself comparing myself to the life I created for myself (does that make sense?). 

Present day Charna at 26 is nothing compared to the 26 year old Charna I imagined and dreamed of in my head. Present day Charna has no career, no money, and nothing to call her own. "You're still young!" I've been told "You still have the rest of your life ahead of you!" I'm sorry but that line doesn't work anymore, 30 is one blink away and honestly after all of the hard work I'm not feeling like I have anything to show for it. This is a strong feeling or mentality to rise above. I've been doing well for so long and out of no where it's like a huge weight has been thrown on my back.

I've had 3 opportunities presented to me in the last 3 weeks, everything was starting to look up. 'Finally my time has come' I thought to myself... Lets just say it didn't quite work out as I thought it would and the disappointment opened up some wounds that I believed had healed.

The more I compared my reality with my dreams the more I longed for what I didn't have. I didn't accomplish the goals that I set for myself, weaknesses became magnified, I failed myself. The only thing I could do is cry since I was all out of options but through my tears I found comfort. I was reminded that like a puzzle all things will come together to make a beautiful picture and that I have found strength in all of my areas of weakness. The grace that I have in my life is sufficient for all of the hardships that I will come across as I continue to press and push towards purpose. 

As long as reality continue to fight in the war of comparison with dreams one can never move towards making their dreams a reality. 

There will be glory after this and it is in this truth that I find hope.

#StillSovereign

Supporting Scriptures

Romans 8:18-21
Romans 12:2
Isaiah 55:8
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Secret Tales: The Life I Left Behind (#StillSovereign Feature)

Hi everyone! This post will be introducing a new feature to promote the #StillSovereign movement. This will include short stories, testimonies, or any entry that display the power/sovereignty of God. If you want your story to be featured on Journey to Contentment submit your entry via email with the subject "Still Sovereign." I hope you enjoy this first entry by a writer who prefers to remain anonymous. 

Romans 7:19 For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. 

I’ve heard this scripture many times and many times I have either ignored it or downplayed the meaning. I never knew how important the lesson that was hidden in these words were until I had to live it. 

I’ve had many ex's but today my story is about two in particular, masturbation and pornography. Even though I call them my ex's I still find them hard to talk about. I denied that we were dating and admitting that we were in a long term relationship was unthinkable. They were the secret affairs I tried to keep away from my true love, but like all secrets they desired to be exposed. 

The story of my ex's began at a young age. I first caught a glimpse of pornography and her so-called "beauty" when I was 8. As I briefly opened  the door, I never imagined that I would have met her there. Her voice was the first thing that I heard, it peaked my curiosity. I have never heard it before. My eyes quickly followed to locate the sound. As I found the TV screen, my eyes glued on to the figure bouncing on it. She enticed me, I wanted to find out more. She began to make me some promises. Promises of what she could do and what I could feel. She seem so honest, so I believed her. I was going to accept her proposal to sit down, but someone else found out about us. Our time together was cut short by a loud and abrupt "Hey". I was so startled by his voice, I quickly shut the door, ran back into my room and soon forgot about her tale. 

"Out of sight out of mind" that’s what they’ve always said. I never went back to that day and to me, it was like it never happened. I didn't speak or think of her but somehow she found me again, this time I was 12. 5 miles away, I met her in my neighbor’s bedroom and we began to talk. We talked, I could listen to her talk for hours and we had fun. It was great, she always had new stories to tell but something started to seem off, fake even, like she was trapped in a screen and in a world I couldn't reach. At this time in my life, my body was telling me there was something I was missing. I longed for her touch to relieve me but I couldn’t find her. She told me "just pretend I'm here with you ". I asked her "how?” She replied, "I'll show you how". That night, she showed me how to find pleasure with her, and It felt good! I was on cloud 9. But just as fast as it came it was gone. 

I wanted more! I didn't realize that I had been drugged. I was so caught up in the feeling of pumping my fist that I didn't notice she was gone. She abandoned me. I never noticed that she broke her promise. She tricked me into believing what I was feeling was from her and not my hand. I didn't notice that what she showed me destroyed my rationality. She left me thinking that each stroke would bring her to life, they didn't. Stroke after stroke brought me closer to her only to let me down in the end. Every day I tried, thinking "today would be the day!”. I started to see the symptoms, something was wrong. My body started to reject me, the pleasure was replaced with sharp pain and the blood soon poured out. I panicked, I knew for sure that something wasn't right but I ration with myself. I convinced myself that this was beneficial for me. I remember telling myself “no one wants an inexperienced Virgin! This will help you keep the girl happy".  

They say ignorance is bliss, they lied! What was supposed to be bliss slowly killed me on the inside. I learned more about my habit and that it wasn't too healthy. It was a sin in the eyes of the Lord. I wanted to quit but the feeling of bliss overshadowed my better judgment every time. I wanted to do right but I found myself dying over the toilet, standing at attention ready to flush away the evidence. I hated myself. I hated my weakness, I wanted to quit so bad but I simply couldn’t. I couldn't love the monster I thought was inside of me. My addiction took more away from me then I thought. My mind degraded to the point where bondage, S&M, rape and orgies were acceptable as long as I got my high. I remember nights I would bargain for my life, others I would bargain for time. Not time to get it right but time to stay in my sin because I didn't want to quit.

As I kept smiling, inside I screamed for help. The people outside couldn't see my problems and if they did they just kept quiet. I was struggling to hold onto my sanity. I turned to music for peace. The loud noise made it easier to drown out the feeling I didn't want to deal with. I looked to my family for help but it seemed like they could only see the demon in me that I was trying to hide. I started to forget that I was human. They ridiculed me because of my music choice blaming it for my reason of dying. They told me to get rid of the only thing holding me together. They called me a demon. They saw my actions but not my pain. I broke! Everything turned numb as if it was a scene from frozen, the air turned cold. The warmth quickly drained from my body simply leaving a cold shell.

Usually, this is where the good part comes and everything gets better and I live happily ever after. My end didn't come the way I expected. Most people think when you get saved your life miraculously get better, well sadly that's not truth. In my trials, I have discovered that the hardest thing for me was not receiving salvation but working out my salvation. I had to go back and address all the issues that I had buried and ignored for so long. The biggest issues I had was “Who to blame?”A lot of times we find ourselves blaming other and never really taking the time to examine ourselves.I had been hiding my issues for so long that I didn’t realize I was also hiding from God.I wasn’t being completely honest with him or myself.I found it hard to ask him for anything because I would have to admit that I was guilty. I couldn’t deal with my issues all by myself and I needed help.

This also brought on another issue, I was in need of help but I wasn’t willing to accept it. I found myself running away from God’s forgiving power. God’s arms were open wide by I couldn’t embrace him. I was satisfied with only asking him because my pride never allowed him to work. My words were saying “I love you” but my actions said “I got this”. I had to forgive myself and learn to accept God’s forgiveness and it started by being completely transparent with him. I had issues and I need him to fix it. In less than 3 months God did more than 5 years of me trying to do it on my own.Through my running away and hiding I have discovered God’s True Sovereignty. God still loved me and was always willing to forgive me, even in my mess.
#StillSovereign 

The Lonesome Battle

This weekend I had a conversation with the most pleasant young woman. This young woman tries her hardest to live right and be a good person but for the past 2 years she's been carrying a burden that continue to get heavier day by day. The mental battles this young woman have to fight alone on a daily basis is enough to bring you to tears. Anyone who knows me can attest that I'm quite a cry baby and extremely sensitive to other people's feelings so you better believe that there were no dry eyes in the room.

The tears weren't simply a reflection of compassion but as I listened to her story it reminded me of the many years I spent struggling in silence. That dark season when I couldn't hold sharp objects because I kept seeing myself bring harm to myself. Her story brought back memories of how I feared lighting matches because the visuals in my head showed me so clearly setting the room on fire with me in it. Simply driving from point A to point B wasn't always a peaceful experience. Everyday individuals who appear to have it all together go through extreme warfare in their minds. I am thankful that the knowledge of my life's value overpowered the mental visuals but unfortunately that isn't everyone's story. Some people find no hope or solace in faith, family, or friends and therefore feel that they're standing alone on the battlefield of life.

I had no idea how to express myself or even begin discussing some of the things that I was going through so I would do 1 of 2 things, suppress uncomfortable emotions or completely override them as if they didn't exist. It worked for me! I never had to confront deep issues and I can go through life as normal... as long as nothing bad happened. A pebble being tossed in my "peaceful" pond was enough to trigger resurfaced hurt, pain, rejection, disappointment, and every moment of depression. The truth of who I was couldn't remain hidden. There came a time when I had to be free from the heaviness. I could no longer carry it and in all honesty I was tired of "frontin."

In this part of the blog I wanted to include step by step practical ways to let go and finally be free because that is what I was looking for but unfortunately I don't have a 5 part remedy to being free. I can't think of anything because it was nothing that I actually did. It was only when I found myself drowned in the word of God and crying honest prayers to Him that the weight finally became lifted. 

To avoid going back to that place I am intentional in expressing myself as much as possible. My only advice to anyone who is struggling silently (other than being open and transparent to God) will be to EXPRESS YOURSELF! Express yourself in a healthy manner, talk to someone, Cry loudly, scream, write, sing, dance, do whatever you have to do but do not hold it in! My hearts desire is that each person who battle in silence will find their voice. Talking about it is the first step to healing, you are never alone, your heavenly Father is always available to listen.

#StillSovereign

Supporting Scriptures

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Romans 8
Romans 8:18
1 Peter 5:7-9
Psalms 55:22

I'm a cheater! 😧

So two nights ago I had a dream. In this dream I was married and my husband kept trying to hand me papers for a divorce y'all! I couldn't believe it! I kept giving it back to him refusing to take the papers. He continued to hand me the forms while accusing me of cheating on him and on the window of the envelope i was able to see the number $600,000... Wait! ✋ I'm jumping way ahead of myself. The dream actually started with me being enticed by a handsome, tall, and chocolate man. He was coming on to me and I denied his pursuit. My mouth was saying no.. But my body! But my body was telling me yeaaaa 

Immediately after telling him no while he is all in my personal space my husband in the dream walks over and calmly hand me an envelope. He is not upset or angry but he is basically saying "You don't want me so here." I told him over and over that i am not cheating on him and I've never cheated on him but he wouldn't believe me. In addition, the other guy continued to make little comments that implied that we had something going on. After this I woke up and began to wonder what that was about.

At first i thought that it was shining light on possible vanity or shallowness (is that even a word) but the next morning (yesterday morning) i realized that it was deeper and more serious than i imagined.

I was reading my bible and i began to think about leadership and how God positions things to be a reflection of how he function. For example, in the church the pastor leads and the congregation/flock submit to the leadership by following the Sheppard and in a household the husband leads and the wife submit to the leadership of the husband. The pastor and the husband is a reflection of God/Christ and the congregation and wife is a reflection of the church as it follows Christ.(Y'all still with me? I promise this is going somewhere.)

Like a light bulb being turned on I immediately remembered the dream i had the night before. My husband in the dream represented God and the other man represented the things of this world that has been enticing me. If you read my last blog you would remember me saying that I am drowning in distractions. I've been enticed by money, success, material things and it was all pulling me away from my God. My mouth constantly says that i want Him and I need more of Him but the posture of my heart wasn't matching up with the words of my lips. This resulted to me praying less, reading my word less and there was distance between us that i couldn't explain. He no longer sat on the pedestal of my heart, something else took His place. I was indeed cheating on Him. My husband is what I needed but I was distracted by what i wanted.

If you find yourself in a position like mine, lost in the cares of this world, be intentional in seeking God. Pray and read even when its hard and you don't feel like it. Don't get caught up in distractions. Replace it by doing something productive. One thing that I'm working on implementing is instead of going on social media during my down time, I'll study instead or work on a project that need to be completed. My goal is to not waste any more time and I plan on keep going until it becomes a habit.

With my own strength this is impossible but with His strength ALL things are possible 
#StillSovereign

Supporting Scriptures
Matthew 19:26
Ephesians 5:22-24
Psalms 23:1
Acts 20:28
Jeremiah 3:15