I'm a cheater! 😧

So two nights ago I had a dream. In this dream I was married and my husband kept trying to hand me papers for a divorce y'all! I couldn't believe it! I kept giving it back to him refusing to take the papers. He continued to hand me the forms while accusing me of cheating on him and on the window of the envelope i was able to see the number $600,000... Wait! ✋ I'm jumping way ahead of myself. The dream actually started with me being enticed by a handsome, tall, and chocolate man. He was coming on to me and I denied his pursuit. My mouth was saying no.. But my body! But my body was telling me yeaaaa 

Immediately after telling him no while he is all in my personal space my husband in the dream walks over and calmly hand me an envelope. He is not upset or angry but he is basically saying "You don't want me so here." I told him over and over that i am not cheating on him and I've never cheated on him but he wouldn't believe me. In addition, the other guy continued to make little comments that implied that we had something going on. After this I woke up and began to wonder what that was about.

At first i thought that it was shining light on possible vanity or shallowness (is that even a word) but the next morning (yesterday morning) i realized that it was deeper and more serious than i imagined.

I was reading my bible and i began to think about leadership and how God positions things to be a reflection of how he function. For example, in the church the pastor leads and the congregation/flock submit to the leadership by following the Sheppard and in a household the husband leads and the wife submit to the leadership of the husband. The pastor and the husband is a reflection of God/Christ and the congregation and wife is a reflection of the church as it follows Christ.(Y'all still with me? I promise this is going somewhere.)

Like a light bulb being turned on I immediately remembered the dream i had the night before. My husband in the dream represented God and the other man represented the things of this world that has been enticing me. If you read my last blog you would remember me saying that I am drowning in distractions. I've been enticed by money, success, material things and it was all pulling me away from my God. My mouth constantly says that i want Him and I need more of Him but the posture of my heart wasn't matching up with the words of my lips. This resulted to me praying less, reading my word less and there was distance between us that i couldn't explain. He no longer sat on the pedestal of my heart, something else took His place. I was indeed cheating on Him. My husband is what I needed but I was distracted by what i wanted.

If you find yourself in a position like mine, lost in the cares of this world, be intentional in seeking God. Pray and read even when its hard and you don't feel like it. Don't get caught up in distractions. Replace it by doing something productive. One thing that I'm working on implementing is instead of going on social media during my down time, I'll study instead or work on a project that need to be completed. My goal is to not waste any more time and I plan on keep going until it becomes a habit.

With my own strength this is impossible but with His strength ALL things are possible 
#StillSovereign

Supporting Scriptures
Matthew 19:26
Ephesians 5:22-24
Psalms 23:1
Acts 20:28
Jeremiah 3:15

I AM Still Sovereign

My Pastor and Apostle always says "you are the first partaker of your words" which basically mean that what ever you speak or preach you must first experience or practice. With this knowledge I was definitely aware that when I started a blog about being content and having faith I myself would be challenged by every word I typed and boy did the challenge come. In the past few weeks I found myself battling with depression, rejection, disappointment, and discontentment. It felt like I was dying on the inside. I fought to hold it all together but in reality my heart couldn't take anymore. I didn't want to hear another no, I didn't want to struggle to pass another test, I didn't want to do anything! So I did nothing... Actually I did do something, I indulged in what made me feel happy. I escaped to my place of comfort where no responsibilities can find me. I spent hours on social media, I watched funny movies all day, I stayed in my apartment and didn't come out unless I absolutely had to. I was drowned in distractions. I should rephrase that, I am drowned in distractions.

I am still in that place. For some reason it is so much easier to talk about things that I've been through and overcome than it is to talk about where I currently am. The real challenge of transparency is being open and honest while you're still going through. The true challenge lies in continuing a blog about contentment even when you yourself don't feel content. Fighting through my feelings is the test I've had to endure. I've passed some and I've failed some but what keeps me getting back up even after I fail is remembering that no matter how I feel, what I see, how long I stay in my situation, how unfair it may seem to me, the truth of the matter is God still has power over heaven and earth.

When I started this blog I said I didn't want to make it to "churchy" or "religious" but for me I'm finding it to be impossible to talk about my journey without talking about my God. No matter how big my pain, hurt, and disappointments may seem He still has all authority to allow whatever he pleases for His glory and His will. It is not up to me to feel obligated that he move on my behalf. All good things, all of the love, all of the grace, all of the mercy is not because of who I am and what I've done but because of who He is and the act of Jesus Christ dying on the cross.

"Nevertheless, pain and suffering are a real part of our lives, and we cannot help wondering sometimes "Why?" The answer lies in God's all-knowing character who knows better than we do why things happen the way they do. These reasons He has not decided to reveal to us. Therefore, we need to trust God that He loves us, and even though we might suffer great loss, God is still in control. Sometimes, it comes down to trusting God beyond your ability to comprehend."
-Matt Slick, CARM article "God's Sovereignty"

My test continues, how will it end? Will I trust in His sovereignty or will I get stuck in my feelings?... Tune in to the next episodes of Journey to Contentment! lol
#StillSovereign



Supporting Scriptures
Psalms 115:3
1 Timothy 6:6-8
Daniel 4:35
Isaiah 46:10

Faith of a mustard seed

People lie, it's a fact of life and there isn't really anything I can do to stop it. Shoot even I, as much as I hate it, lie sometimes. The issues came after being lied to time after time again, when it just became easier to stop believing everything I heard, when unfulfilled promises developed into an "i'll believe it when i see it" attitude.

It became my way of life to have a little bit of doubt in everything. No harm done and nothing lost, this was a fool proof defense mechanism. Was it really fool proof if at the end of it all I end up the fool? I found myself to be the fool when i tried to live a life of faith. I've learned that faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains but this never seemed to apply to my life. I have faith much, greater than a mustard seed but faith still never seem to be enough. I felt that with the amount of faith I had I should be able to shake the world... Why isn't the world shaking though?

Shockingly, the only way faith works is in the absence of doubt. The doubt the size of the mustard seed that followed me like a shadow negates the plethora of faith that I believed to possess. It turned out that I didn't have any faith at all. I now have to restructure my whole mentality and way of thinking to believing even without seeing, trusting even without knowing, and hoping even when in a place of discouragement.

Without faith this journey to contentment will be in vain since it is faith that make things possible.

#StillSovereign

Supporting Scriptures

Matthew 17:20
James 1:6
Matthew 8:5-13